breathe regularly

my discipleship group is doing a triathlon together in may. we talked about it tonight around the dinner table. we're probably going to break up into 3 teams of 3 people. that means, on each team, one person will swim, one will bike, and one will run. i'm going to be a swimmer.

i've done a couple triathlons before and i love them. what a monumental challenge. from a physical standpoint, it works pretty much the entire body. your muscles are built up, stretched, broken down, and built up again until you peak on race day. mentally, you have to convince yourself that the training is worth the end result. training is tough, and takes some discipline, but the high of crossing the finish line with my hands up in the air and the crowd cheering is one of the best all-around emotions i've ever felt.

then there's the spiritual side of it. the apostle paul wrote a lot about that in his letters. that is, about athletes competing in races. i didn't really get the connection until i competed.

tonight around the dinner table i made the comment, "the hardest part about swimming is breathing." it sounded rather elementary, i admit, and i got some awkward glances at the time, but i was serious. you can swim a long way if you know when and how to breath.

stroke, stroke, breathe.....stroke, stroke, breathe.....stroke, stroke, breathe

that's bilateral swimming. you stroke with your right, stroke with your left, breathe on your right side as you stroke with your right again. then you stroke with your left, stroke with your right, and then breathe on your left side as you stroke with your left. repeat. get it?

later on, someone else connected the comment spiritually. he said, "what a great word-picture." the essence is this: we're in this pool (culture), trying to be Christ's tools; He's using us to redeem culture, and the hardest part about swimming in this pool is breathing--making sure we regularly and repeatedly come up for the fresh, clean, pure air of God's presence that allows us to keep swimming.

i loved the image. i know the agony of being underwater, pushing through the current as hard as i can, and skipping a crucial breath. it hurts. and what's worse, i have to slow down--maybe stop--as my lungs squeeze out their last. going vertical in the water, i gasp deeply for air. i also know the spiritual agony of pushing full speed, only to run out of breath and need a huge gasp.

not only does it hurt, it is highly inefficient and ineffective. it's an encouragement to me to maintain a rhythmic, regular time with God. so i share it with you.

go for a walk

"at the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out." (numbers 9:23)

the context of the above verse is this...the israelites are in the wilderness after God used moses to deliver them from egypt. God has told them how the tabernacle is to be handled and moses talks with God regularly in the tent of meeting. God places a cloud over the tabernacle. during the evening the cloud looked like fire. whenever the cloud lifted from the tabernacle, the israelites would set out, and whenever it settled, the israelites encamped.

after reading this i began thinking about how marvelous it must have been to be in such close communion with God. i mean, can you imagine being moses and audibly hearing God's voice? and then to see so clearly what God's will was. just watch the cloud. up it goes, let's start walking...down it settles, let's stay here a while.

how i yearn for that cloud sometimes...not just to clearly see God's direction, but to rest assured that He is intricately involved in every decision i make. i so desperately want to be intentional about making God-oriented decisions.

craziest thing about this though is that i AM in communion with God. thru Christ, God is closer than the nearest tent of meeting. i can feel Him in my mind and in my heart, moving around, cleaning up shop...believe me, there's a lot of cleaning to do!

my experience.

this may not be how God works with you, but let me tell you how i tend to know He works with me. it has everything to do with the verse, "since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

i will feel a slight prodding of my heart to do something (take a step). it may be something as small as a hunch, but i feel it and i know i feel it. it's the Spirit urging me to do it, and i can resist (stay here), or i can act (step). if i act, i become more sensitive to the next time i'm prodded to do something, but if i resist, i become slightly more calloused--largely because i stop trusting the "hunch". it will be a little harder to feel it next time.

like a dance. the first time two people dance together, there's a lot of toe stomping (at least with me), but after a lifetime of dances, i think they'd both be a lot more sensitive to the other's movements. the slightest nudge of the hand turns into an intricate and beautiful twirl across the wood floor.

i'm hoping that after a lifetime of keeping in step with the Spirit, i'll be a lot more sensitive to its movements.

a divine balance

in elementary school there was a phase when the "your momma" jokes were the rage. i still remember some of them...

yo momma is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.

and

yo momma is so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

i remember kids would bash other kids' moms and fights would break out. it didn't matter if it were in the lunchroom, the classroom, or the bathroom. i saw fights all over the place. one kid would get offended because another kid would bash his mom.

of course, as was usually the case, the kid telling the joke had never actually seen the mother of the other kid, so in truth he had no idea whether the mom was really that stupid or that fat, but still the offense was made, and the fight broke out.

i never understood why kids got so offended. it seems to me, if someone makes fun of my mom, the only reason i might get offended is if i give some credibility to what they are saying. another example, if someone called me fat, it'd be ridiculous for me to get offended because i am the exact opposite of fat. in fact, i can't gain weight. it's crazy. so i'd give no credibility to their comment...hence no offense. in fact, i'd probably laugh at them.

now put that in the light of seeking other people's approval, whether it be a girl you like, or a boss, or a bully at school. in his book, the life you've always wanted, john ortberg makes a brilliant statement (i think, at least). he says, in regards to other peoples' comments about us, "it is not another person's compliment or approval that makes us feel good; rather, it is our belief that there is validity to the compliment."

he tells the story of walking into a mental health center. "One woman there used to tell me regularly that she wanted to marry me because she could not stop thinking about my body. She was heavily medicated, had lived in the facility for twenty years, and would say the same thing to every other member of the staff. On her less lucid days she would say the same thing to plants and inanimate objects. It was an outrageous compliment...but it did nothing to enhance my sense of value as a person." He goes on to conclude, "We are not the passive victims of other people's opinions. Their opinions are powerless until we validate them. No one's approval will affect us unless we grant it credibility and status. The same holds true for disapproval."

in my opinion, this becomes utterly important in light of our identity in Christ. insults and compliments will mean nothing unless i give them weight. they will neither tear me down, nor boost my ego if i understand who Christ says i am.

and who does Christ say i am? well, i am valuable enough for Him to die for me, and sinful enough that every inclination of my heart is all evil all the time. when i hear an insult, i am anchored in the reality that my value to God is unmeasurable. when i hear a compliment, i am anchored in the reality that my corruption is to a level incomprehensible. so i should walk with confidence, not in my self, but in Christ, unphased by the opinions of others because He has given me this balance.

a difficult dichotomy

in the book prince caspian, book 4 in the chronicles of narnia series, the four children are lost in the wilderness when the youngest, little lucy, sees aslan the lion (aslan, of course, is allegorical for Christ). only lucy is able to see him. he beckons her to follow him across a most-difficult terrain of cliffs and jagged edges, but she cannot persuade the others to take the route because it is so dangerous. she tries to convince the others that aslan called to them, but because she is so young, they won’t believe her. her older sister susan is the most critical of young lucy and says very mean things to her.

eventually, after attempting several other routes unsuccessfully, the children finally take the route across the cliffs and jagged edges. as they are walking aslan appears to them one by one. when susan sees that aslan really is there, she is ashamed for being so mean to little lu.

after following aslan out of the wilderness, the lion approaches susan. she appears to be crying. expecting him to chastise her in frustration and anger, and ashamed of her behavior, she can hardly speak. contrary to expectations, aslan says to her, “You have listened to fears child. Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?”

fear is a two-sided coin. on both sides it is a protection device, but one side works for my benefit and the other for my harm.

first, the benefit. i wear a seatbelt when i drive because i fear the consequences of getting in a crash and not wearing one. in this way, fear works for my good and protects me from unnecessary harm.

on the other side of the coin, and this is the side that troubles me, fear prevents me from living life to the full. this is the fear described in the passage above from prince caspian. it is the fear that speaks when i want to do something, perhaps even feel God leading me to do something, but i fear the potential consequences of acting.

my dreams, for example. i'll be the first to admit they run counter to the “american dream”. i don’t dream of having stuff. i don’t dream of having comfort. i dream of living in a poorer place, personally engaging people, and helping meet their needs, spiritually and physically. and when i don’t pursue this dream it’s because i fear the lack of security, luxury, and stuff that i don’t dream about. ironic.

it’s a thin line, and sometimes i find myself feeling fear, and i don’t know which side of the coin i’m dealing with. do i listen to the fear believing it's for my good, or do i act despite it, believing it's counter-protective?

romans 14:23 makes a bold statement. "everything that does not come from faith is sin." (my sin just increased exponentially.) how does this relate to fear?

just today i was dealing with a fear. i was really battling with it, and i found a choice between two actions in front of me. one i wanted to do, but feared the risk. the other i didn't want to do, but it was definitely safer. i didn't know which to choose. as i was pleading for God to give me a peace about doing one thing over the other, this statement kept coming into my mind..."everything that does not come from faith is sin." it took a little more struggle before the peace came. God didn't tell me which option to choose. He told me that whichever option i chose, i needed to act in absolute faith that God would use it.

freedom!

i could choose whichever option i wanted, so long as i did it walking in faith that God was in control. how liberating!

so, i did what i wanted to do, despite the risk. i still haven't seen the result, or if the potential consequences will come to pass, but i have a peace because i did it "in faith."

employed with a purpose

tomorrow i'm starting my new job. i will be a software engineer for a******. among the other requirements of the job, i will have to travel about 80% of the time. yesterday i got my new laptop in the mail. they told me my life would be my laptop and my cell phone. mentally speaking, i know what to expect, but practically i have no idea.

when i started my previous job at c****************, i accepted the position because i needed an income. it met a need. i remember my first day. i sat down, looked around, and thought to myself, "i can do this for a couple months..." i ended up being there for 14 months.

i'm taking this job for a different reason. mind you, i still need an income, but if that was my only motivation i could have stayed at c************. i'm taking this job because in it i see potential to take huge strides towards effective mission work. what do i mean by that?

i mean, the job should help me towards my goal of full-time involvement in mission work. i do get paid more than i did, which means paying off school loans faster (huge barrier to doing missions full-time). also, i am going to be a "consultant". i'll be going into clients' offices, and finding/implementing solutions to their IT problems.

in terms of my life-plan, my vision right now has me connecting technology with missions. e-mail alone has revolutionized missions, allowing missionaries to communicate instantaneously. life magazine published a book, Life Millennium: The 100 Most Important Events and People of the Past 1000 Years, which lists Gutenberg's printing press as the number one biggest development. i believe the internet can be just as revolutionary, for the same reasons Gutenberg's invention was. the printing press helped spawn the reformation, by allowing the masses access to new ideas. used effectively, the internet can usher in a new gospel movement, allowing not only instantaneous communication with missionaries anywhere on the globe, but take the words of the bible to every nation.

for example, right now there are missionaries in very secluded areas, translating the bible into languages of people who have never had a chance to hear the gospel. if those missionaries have access to scores of linguistic experts here in the states via the internet, imagine how much faster the bible could be written!

i could go on, but let's just say i have some goals with this new job. i am comforted because i know people are praying for me in this new position, and as you're reading this, i petition you to say a prayer too. am i nervous? somewhat, but not much. mostly i am eager to see what happens.

the potential blessing of boredom

a couple weeks ago a group of people went into downtown atlanta on a friday night to bring some burgers and water to the homeless. i had the privelege of going with them. among the many people we met that night was a man...i'll call him steve. we met him late in the night (or early in the morning, really). i sat there with him, and within five minutes of meeting me he was telling me how frustrated he was to be on the streets. "it's because i do drugs." he told me. apparently he had broken up with his girlfriend three months prior, and after moving out he had nowhere to go. so there we found him, huddled in the fetal position, trying to get some sleep on a cold 40 degree night.

"to be honest with you, robby, people do drugs for different reasons. i don't do them for the same reason most people do. i'm just bored. i'll go into my hotel room, turn on the tv, try to find something to do, but it's all just so boring. life is boring. so i end up doing drugs." he explained.

i have never heard so clear an example of what clive staples lewis* wrote about in mere christianity: "if i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

i'm thankful steve is bored. his boredom could easily be the tool God uses to bring him to Christ. ironically, steve's way closer to getting the point of life than a lot of people i know. he is bored because he doesn't yet know that Jesus has a purpose for him. once he realizes that God indeed has a reason for his existence, boredom will be far less likely. but remember, alleviating boredom is not the point--coming to freedom in Christ is.

* (c.s. lewis) thanks for the gentle comments, brent. ;)

shout out

my friend roy posted a blog yesterday that is more than worthy to note. check out "Take care" she said.

you should start a blog

robby: "megan, you should start a blog."

megan: "i was never good at journaling, so i don't think i'd be a good blogger."

robby: "i hate journaling...nobody will ever read what you write."

megan: "that's why people journal."

robby: "i don't get it."

less is more

i'm thinking about what this means for life...will add more about this soon.

war

as i was hiking along the coastal cliffs of italy i had to continually pinch myself. "is this for real?!" every now and then i couldn't contain my wonder, so i'd scream, "YEAH ITALY!" at the top of my lungs. trudging through the snow of the alps was ridiculously dream-like as well. the snow was about 5 inches deep, and still falling. of course, we didn't bring snow shoes, so we double-layered socks and stuck our feet in plastic bags. then we put our shoes on. the poor man's gore-tex. talk about toasty! my feet didn't get cold once.

there was something better though.

after hiking in the alps, roy, tom (a friend we met at the hostel), and i were walking back to the hostel in interlaken switzerland. all of a sudden this white streak flew by my face. it was a walk-bye snowballing!

but where'd it come from?!

we got low, not knowing from whence the next ball would come. then we saw them...two young swiss boys gathering their next rounds off the ground in the yard across the street. we had to act fast. these boys grew up in the snow. they knew how to make some darn good artillery.

we spread out. it was three against two, so we had an advantage. or so we thought.

as it turns out, roy is from houston texas, so he's about as useful in a showball fight as a bikini in a blizzard.*

whisss whisssss, the snowballs went flying by. i hopped a fence into another yard, seeking some protection. to minimize the collateral damage (cars were driving down the street through the crossfire) we eventually managed to lure them into our territory (our side of the street).

there was a big conifer tree in the yard they used as a bunker. i chased one boy around the tree a couple times until he leaped into its dense branches with a thud. i heard him moving around in there for some time. wisely, he didn't come out.

the other boy was more problematic. he was smart, and was able to inflict some battle wounds. fortunately, none were fatal, and we continued courageously. i have to give props to roy, despite his inexperience, he had a heart like rudy. no young swiss boy is going to keep him down.

the boy was hiding in the bushes in front of the house, tom went around the back to flank him as i swept in around the big conifer tree. the boy saw trouble looming over him and ran. we followed in pursuit. he sought shelter behind a wall--which would have been adequate protection had the wall not been only six feet tall and a semi-clear plexiglass material. i could see him huddling behind it and reaching over the wall, i laid a monster ball right on him. he was out for the count!

we were like the famous conquerors of the past...napoleon, alexander the great, ghengis khan. we gathered in the yard and basked in our accomplishment. it was splendid...like the hobbits after they defeated mordor in the lord of the rings.

then the old lady opened her front door and said, "you are on private property!" and several other things we couldn't understand in german.

so we quickly left. but going to sleep that night i think we all sank into our pillows with a deep sense of achievement. we had been attacked, and had overcome.

*editor's note: roy wasn't really that bad, and i wouldn't feel right dissing his snowball skills if he hadn't joked about it himself first...roy, i'm glad you had my back. oh yeah, and a 100% merino wool bikini might be adequate for a blizzard, but probably only as a base layer.

miracle shirt

i made it! nine days straight wearing the same shirt. it was fantastic. every day i'd wake up and smell the 100% merino wool miracle shirt expecting to smell myself, and every day i was pleasantly surprised. to my amazement, the rest of my clothes held their own. i actually ended up wearing pretty much the same outfit the entire trip, i changed pants once because my jeans got wet walking through the snow in switzerland. and yes, i changed my unmentionables too...but probably not as often as is socially acceptable.

you can view my pictures here. but here's a taste...

9 days. one shirt.

i'm packing for my trip to europe. it's a long and arduous process, for sure. it's the struggle of taking as little as possible while still taking everything i need. maybe it's just male ego, but i'm kind of challenging myself. i want to see if i can last 9 days with only one bag--my backpack. (note: i am taking my camera bag and a small shoulder bag for use around town, so i don't have to carry my backpack everywhere.) the way i see it, i'm preparing myself for the mission field. after all, as the saying goes, "the richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least."

my roommate works at an outdoors store, so he's aware of all the latest and greatest clothing technology on the market. he told me about this shirt that's 100% merino wool (aka really warm). rumor has it i should be able to wear it for 40 days straight without washing it. i'm not going to wear it 40 days--only 9--but still, 9 days is a record for me.

for those of you who are absolutely repulsed by the thought of wearing the same shirt for 9 days, don't leave a comment. however, if you think the ability to wear the same shirt for 9 days is really cool, comment freely.

here's to the nine-day-challenge! cheers!

opportunity

i'm going to europe on sunday. "why?", you ask? my friend roy is there right now, traveling around, meeting reps for work. no one should have to spend thanksgiving alone, so i'm going to give him company. "but robby, europe is so far away!" yeah i know, but when a friend is in need, no distance is too far. "wow, you are such a great guy!" not really, i think it's what anyone with a good heart would do.

(actually, the real reason i'm going is to make sure he's not living in sin, but shhhhh, keep that on the D-L)

ok ok, so i'm neither that nice, nor that righteous. i'm really going cause i can't think of a good reason not to. roy is there, so i'll have a buddy, i've never seen the places we're going, and i'm between jobs. sounds like opportunity to me. here's our tentative itinerary....

mon nov 21 - arrive in rome, explore rome
eve nov 21 - sleep in rome
tue nov 22 - depart rome early, head to cinque terre (italy), explore cinque terre
eve nov 22 - sleep in cinque terre
wed nov 23 - explore cinque terre
eve nov 23 - sleep in cinque terre*
thu nov 24 - explore cinque terre*
eve nov 24 - depart cinque terre, night train to interlaken (switzerland)
fri nov 25 - balmer's in interlaken
eve nov 25 - take night train to geneva (switzerland)
sat nov 26 - train to Swiss L'Abri, Château de Chillon (on lake geneva), then back to geneva
eve nov 26 - sleep in geneva
sun nov 27 - explore geneva (john calvin sites?)
eve nov 27 - night train to paris
mon nov 28 - explore paris, dorsay, louvre (only to see mona lisa)
eve nov 28 - sleep in paris
tue nov 29 - eiffel tower, head home

*subject to change**

**really, everything on this itinerary is subject to change, but the items marked with * are really subject to change

jesus' jaw dropped

"Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled..." (matt 8:10)

marvel - to become filled with surprise, wonder, or amazed curiosity (webster)

i can't imagine how much faith it must take to make Jesus marvel. but the centurion had enough. after the centurion asked jesus to heal his servant, jesus agreed, and began towards his house. but the centurion stopped him and said there was no need to travel all the way to the house. jesus need only speak the word and his servant would be healed. jesus' jaw dropped...

my boss is a man of authority. he has authority because his boss gives him authority. his boss has authority because the CEO gives him authority. the CEO has authority because the board gives him authority, and so on... likewise, any authority i possess is because i have a boss over me who gives me authority. it's a system.

the centurion understood that jesus had the authority to heal because it was given to him by the Father. jesus hadn't found anyone who connected the dots like this guy did and he was in awe.

jesus said all authority in heaven and earth had been given to him. that means he has the abililty to do whatever he wants--in heaven and earth. right after he said that, he gave christians a mission. he said, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations..." you'd think if we really believed jesus had all the power in the universe we'd be excited and fearless. not the case. the adjectives that come to mind are apathetic, fearful, timid, and hesitant...lacking even the slightest hint of excitement when it comes to the mission.

i don't think we understand the power christ has vested in us.

duck tales

like i said...i have nothing to do at work. to end the day, my co-workers and i debated about how huey, dewey, and luey were related to scrooge mcduck and donald duck. it was quite heated. i thought donald was their dad, and i figured scrooge and donald were brothers. there's no question huey, dewey, and luey called scrooge "uncle scrooge".

i was wrong.

we googled it and found a priceless site that answered all of our various questions. check out the duck tales family tree. it turns out, donald was huey, dewey, and leuy's uncle, as he's the brother of della duck, their mother. donald's mother was hortense mcduck, scrooge's sister. so scrooge is huey, dewey, and leuy's great uncle.

i don't know what's more sad, the fact that we would debate this at work, or the fact that somebody went through the trouble of compiling an actual family tree.

no, the family tree is definitely more sad.

nothing to do

it's official. i have nothing to do at work. i have five days left and my boss told me today, "you have nothing to do." unbelievable. a lazy person's dream come true. maybe i can write in my blog more....

the fall

belay on! the gathering took us camping and rock climbing this weekend. it was a cold night. let's just say i found out the limits of my sleeping bag. it was my first full night of sleeping without a tent. it started off warm as i laid about two feet from the fire, but about 4 am i felt the chill air seeping through my zipper and head hole. i'm glad i had my long-johns on. you know, the ones with the butt flap. ;)

rappelling was the scariest offering of the weekend. it didn't help when i was descending and barrett told me he got a great deal on the rope i was using. he said an old climbing company retired it, and gave it to him for half-off.

trust. in climbing there's a lot of things you have to trust. you have to trust the equipment you're using--that it will hold you. you have to trust your belayer...the person holding the other end of the rope as you ascend the wall. and in my case, i had to trust barrett, because he tied all of the ropes and fastened all the beaners for our climbs. barrett trusts the equipment a lot. that became apparent when i saw him standing on his hands doing yoga moves on the edge of the wall we were rappelling down. he was harnessed in, but still.

trust is earned. it took me about four climbs to really begin to trust. by that point i had intentionally fallen off the wall to check the equipment. i had seen my belayer catch me, so i knew he was able, and the equipment didn't fail...nor did the knots barrett tied. often times while climbing i would intentionally lean on my rope, just so i could feel the tension and know it was still holding me.

one more story.

i almost didn't rappel the first time. my stomach was turning, the wind was blowing, and i was pretty scared. i turned to walk away and barrett urged me back. he knew it was safe, i didn't. tying me into the harness, barrett told me how he guided a four-year-old boy rappelling down a wall one time. he said the boy wasn't scared at all, he just went. he didn't understand the danger.

the fall. it's ironic that we call it that. when adam and eve sinned. when i was rappelling i was scared because of "the fall." (in reality, it's not the fall that scares me, it's hitting the bottom...but i jest) i had a knowledge of the danger. i wonder if that's what God meant when He said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil." (gen 3:22) barrett wasn't scared because he knew despite the danger, the equipment would protect him. the four-year-old boy wasn't scared because he didn't know the danger. he had a "childlike faith".

i was scared out of my wits.

good things


i love photography. i didn't take this picture, but i love it. it's very emotional. to me, it captures a joy and wonder in childhood. i don't want to lose that because i think it's so crucial to faith. the setting strikes me too. i love to sail. it's one of my favorite past times. you don't go anywhere fast when you sail. in fact, at times, you don't go anywhere at all. but that's not the point. if you want to know the point, let me take you sometime. you'll get it.

jesus ran

busy-ness is a disease. in my opinion, it is probably the most effective tool the enemy uses against us christians. it seems, if he can't keep us from doing something, he'll get us to do everything so that we're too busy to be effective in anything. it really is quite disturbing.

i had a dinner appointment with a pastor recently. as soon as we sat down he told me he was going to have to leave in about thirty minutes to make it to a meeting at the church. i was thinking, "are you kidding?" he wasn't. thirty minutes passed, he asked for his bill and left. i had hardly touched my quesadilla explosion. (we were at chili's...i don't recommend this dish) so i sat there about another twenty or so minutes by myself.

i scoured the bible for the phrase "Jesus ran"...i didn't find it..."Jesus jogged"....nope...."Jesus walked briskly"....nada....

besides making me question Jesus' physical health regiment, it seems to me Jesus was never in a rush to go anywhere. in luke 8, jesus was on his way, when jairus ran up to him and pleaded for jesus to come to his house and heal his daughter. she was dying. it was jairus' only daughter, so you can imagine how desperate he must have been. on the way to the house the crowds were so thick, jesus was almost crushed. worse than driving down Georgia 400 at rush hour. jairus is starting to sweat. if only jesus could get there in time, his daughter would be healed. then jesus stops.

next is the whole scene with the bleeding woman. jesus heals her, but can you imagine what jairus must be thinking?! "come on, jesus, run! my daughter's dying! don't you understand what's at stake here?!" embrace his frustration.

cue the crisis.

it's too late. jairus' daughter dies. jesus took too long.

then jesus says something crazy. "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed." and she was.

i think busy-ness is a lack of faith. jesus didn't have to rush because he knew he was in control. we don't have to rush because we should know jesus is in control. ministry is way more about being present than it is anything else. jesus was always present. most of the people i know aren't. Lord, give us more faith.

txt msg

i sent my first text message yesterday. i've come of age. it only took me 30 minutes to type in 8 words. largely because after typing in my first sentence--and throwing a party to celebrate--i asked my roommate how it sounded and he told me i should start over. (when it costs 10 cents to send a text message, you really want to make sure every word is intentional) punctuation is especially annoying.

number of words: 8
number of keyboard clicks: 257
number of times i wondered why people go through the trouble of text messaging: i lost count.

the conversation

i just had "the conversation". i've been waiting anxiously the whole day, knowing it was looming. the infamous DTR talk. "define the relationship" for you uninformed. "it's not you, it's me." i've heard it so many times. i think it's intended to relieve the sting. but rarely does it--i mean, let's be serious. i've come to see right through that line.

now i'm using it. i just gave my notice. four week notice. i started with, "i hate to drop this bomb on you, but..." shortly followed up by, "it's not you, it's me..." to try to dull the pain. the conversation followed the typical DTR pattern...The Summation, "it's over." followed by The Response, "was it something I did??" Followed by The Explanation, "it's not you, it's me..."

i think he took it fairly well. my manager, that is. it was a civil dialogue. without much drama. i like that.

drama

"drama" has been the name of the game these past couple days. i'm not a fan of drama, unless i'm watching a play or a good tv show. it makes things so complicated. i usually prefer simplicity. i was walking along by myself, trying to avoid drama, when i tripped on something and fell heart-first into a pool of it. it wasn't even my drama. it was someone else's pool. i just didn't look where i was stepping and quickly found myself submerged. clumsy me. oddly enough though, now that i'm almost dry, i think it was a good thing i fell in...at least briefly. i found out i can swim. i never would have known.

expectations

my circumlocution?! i hope not! heaven forbid i bore whoever finds this. they say tv advertisers have about 2 seconds to capture a surfer's attention as he repetitively, perhaps compulsively, presses the channel button. a blogger probably has just a couple seconds more. that's a lot of pressure.