a difficult dichotomy

in the book prince caspian, book 4 in the chronicles of narnia series, the four children are lost in the wilderness when the youngest, little lucy, sees aslan the lion (aslan, of course, is allegorical for Christ). only lucy is able to see him. he beckons her to follow him across a most-difficult terrain of cliffs and jagged edges, but she cannot persuade the others to take the route because it is so dangerous. she tries to convince the others that aslan called to them, but because she is so young, they won’t believe her. her older sister susan is the most critical of young lucy and says very mean things to her.

eventually, after attempting several other routes unsuccessfully, the children finally take the route across the cliffs and jagged edges. as they are walking aslan appears to them one by one. when susan sees that aslan really is there, she is ashamed for being so mean to little lu.

after following aslan out of the wilderness, the lion approaches susan. she appears to be crying. expecting him to chastise her in frustration and anger, and ashamed of her behavior, she can hardly speak. contrary to expectations, aslan says to her, “You have listened to fears child. Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?”

fear is a two-sided coin. on both sides it is a protection device, but one side works for my benefit and the other for my harm.

first, the benefit. i wear a seatbelt when i drive because i fear the consequences of getting in a crash and not wearing one. in this way, fear works for my good and protects me from unnecessary harm.

on the other side of the coin, and this is the side that troubles me, fear prevents me from living life to the full. this is the fear described in the passage above from prince caspian. it is the fear that speaks when i want to do something, perhaps even feel God leading me to do something, but i fear the potential consequences of acting.

my dreams, for example. i'll be the first to admit they run counter to the “american dream”. i don’t dream of having stuff. i don’t dream of having comfort. i dream of living in a poorer place, personally engaging people, and helping meet their needs, spiritually and physically. and when i don’t pursue this dream it’s because i fear the lack of security, luxury, and stuff that i don’t dream about. ironic.

it’s a thin line, and sometimes i find myself feeling fear, and i don’t know which side of the coin i’m dealing with. do i listen to the fear believing it's for my good, or do i act despite it, believing it's counter-protective?

romans 14:23 makes a bold statement. "everything that does not come from faith is sin." (my sin just increased exponentially.) how does this relate to fear?

just today i was dealing with a fear. i was really battling with it, and i found a choice between two actions in front of me. one i wanted to do, but feared the risk. the other i didn't want to do, but it was definitely safer. i didn't know which to choose. as i was pleading for God to give me a peace about doing one thing over the other, this statement kept coming into my mind..."everything that does not come from faith is sin." it took a little more struggle before the peace came. God didn't tell me which option to choose. He told me that whichever option i chose, i needed to act in absolute faith that God would use it.

freedom!

i could choose whichever option i wanted, so long as i did it walking in faith that God was in control. how liberating!

so, i did what i wanted to do, despite the risk. i still haven't seen the result, or if the potential consequences will come to pass, but i have a peace because i did it "in faith."