the fall

belay on! the gathering took us camping and rock climbing this weekend. it was a cold night. let's just say i found out the limits of my sleeping bag. it was my first full night of sleeping without a tent. it started off warm as i laid about two feet from the fire, but about 4 am i felt the chill air seeping through my zipper and head hole. i'm glad i had my long-johns on. you know, the ones with the butt flap. ;)

rappelling was the scariest offering of the weekend. it didn't help when i was descending and barrett told me he got a great deal on the rope i was using. he said an old climbing company retired it, and gave it to him for half-off.

trust. in climbing there's a lot of things you have to trust. you have to trust the equipment you're using--that it will hold you. you have to trust your belayer...the person holding the other end of the rope as you ascend the wall. and in my case, i had to trust barrett, because he tied all of the ropes and fastened all the beaners for our climbs. barrett trusts the equipment a lot. that became apparent when i saw him standing on his hands doing yoga moves on the edge of the wall we were rappelling down. he was harnessed in, but still.

trust is earned. it took me about four climbs to really begin to trust. by that point i had intentionally fallen off the wall to check the equipment. i had seen my belayer catch me, so i knew he was able, and the equipment didn't fail...nor did the knots barrett tied. often times while climbing i would intentionally lean on my rope, just so i could feel the tension and know it was still holding me.

one more story.

i almost didn't rappel the first time. my stomach was turning, the wind was blowing, and i was pretty scared. i turned to walk away and barrett urged me back. he knew it was safe, i didn't. tying me into the harness, barrett told me how he guided a four-year-old boy rappelling down a wall one time. he said the boy wasn't scared at all, he just went. he didn't understand the danger.

the fall. it's ironic that we call it that. when adam and eve sinned. when i was rappelling i was scared because of "the fall." (in reality, it's not the fall that scares me, it's hitting the bottom...but i jest) i had a knowledge of the danger. i wonder if that's what God meant when He said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil." (gen 3:22) barrett wasn't scared because he knew despite the danger, the equipment would protect him. the four-year-old boy wasn't scared because he didn't know the danger. he had a "childlike faith".

i was scared out of my wits.