A crown or a bow

A pastor I heard the other day told a story about when his four-year-old daughter was helping him pass out candy as neighborhood kids were trick-or-treating.  His daughter had eagerly dressed up as Snow White for the occasion.  Somewhere during the evening a girl from down the street walked up to their house also dressed as Snow White.  The look on his daughter's face was that of a teenage girl who arrived at the prom only to see someone else wearing the same dress.  When the neighborhood girl walked away his daughter looked at him and said,

"That girl was dressed as Snow White too, Daddy."
"That's right, honey, she was," he replied, seeing her disappointment.
"She had red shoes just like me."
"Yes, she did," he acknowledged.
"She had a wand too.  Just like mine."
"She sure did," he nodded.
"But she was wearing a bow in her hair, and I'm wearing a crown!" his daughter said happily.

We like to size-up other people.  Even as early as four years old it is the unfortunate reality we are naturally inclined to judge others.  I think this is the byproduct of trying to figure out where we ourselves "fit" in society.  If we see someone we judge as better than us, maybe because they are affluent and can afford things we cannot, we may covet or want what they have.  When we see someone we judge as less than us we may treat them rudely or ignore them altogether because we consider ourselves better than them, albeit perhaps only subconsciously.

In Matthew 7 Jesus said,

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

...
15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. -Matthew 7:1-5, 15-20

In this passage Jesus tells us first not to judge other people but then describes the method for making a judgment about whether someone is a true Christian or not.  Why the apparent conflict? 

The difference between the two types of judgments Jesus refers to is one deals with how we treat others and one deals with how we relate to others.  In one case Jesus tells us not to think of or treat someone differently based on our judgments.  In the other case Jesus tells us that we should relate to someone very differently based on our judgments.  In Philippians 2:3, Paul says,

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

Paul is saying do not make individual judgments about people but rather make one big judgment that everyone is more important that you.  In this way you will be drawn to serve people instead of bash them and you will treat everyone the same.

What about relating differently to different people?  The Bible never says we should relate to everyone the same.  It tells us not to show favoritism (James 2:9), but that's not the same thing as having the same relationship.  Just as I relate to my mom and my wife in completely different ways, I relate to Christians and non-Christians in completely different ways.  Someone may say, "It's not my place to figure out whether someone else is a Christian."  I would reply that is false.  Only God knows the heart and as such our judgments may be wrong and we absolutely must be humble to that fact, but we are instructed to base how we relate to someone on whether they are "in the family." If they are in the family then there is a case where we are given license, in fact we are encouraged, to alter our relationship with them.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 5:12-13,

12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

So as Christians we must be very careful not to judge people who are not Christians and as such we must be able to discern, by looking at their fruit, whether they are Christians or not.  For those who are Christians, even in this single case where we are called to be judges (Christian-to-Christian) our judgment has a very specific purpose and that is to restore the erring person (Galatians 6:1) in love and bring them back from wandering. As Paul says in 2 Thessalonians 3,

14 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

We should always be acting to bring others closer to Christ not pushing them away and this is true in our judgments as well.  They must never be used to tear down but to build up.

One more thing, what fruit are we expected to see in the life of someone with a healthy tree? Galatians 5:22-23 says,

"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."