whack dating

the christian dating culture is askew. let me tell you why. this is the story i hear from both sides over
and over
and over
again.

guys don't ask girls out. (i'll get to the "reason" in a moment.) girls complain that guys don't ask them out, and rightfully so, because guys don't. a guy decides, despite the "reason" (still to-be-defined), that he will ask a girl out because she intrigues him...mind you, not necessarily because he is interested in her on a romantic level. guy asks girl out. since guys don't ask girls out in general, girl figures guy must really like her. this scares girl. too much, too fast in her mind. girl assumes guy has major intentions and the "reason" happens. drama. girl either...

a) turns guy down immediately
b) goes on date but doesn't have very good time because she's too concerned about guy's intentions

either option further facilitates original statement: guys don't ask girls out.
an exception to this (perhaps THE exception to this) is if the girl likes the guy before he asks her out. in which case, neither "a" or "b" take place, but rather an unusual "c", whereby the girl goes on the date excitedly.

so, the question might be asked, "what caused this culture, robby?" and i would then give my theory..."the ever-so-popular gospel that one shouldn't date unless they are pursuing marriage."

now, before you Christian-non-daters freak out at me, let me unpack that statement. the point of that gospel is to prevent someone from wasting his (or her) time and, more importantly, making an idol of girl after girl after girl and getting their heart broken time and time and time again. but, as we people tend to do, we've taken what is a good principle and taken it to the extreme. now, the guy thinks, "i shouldn't ask a girl out unless i'm sure she's The One" and the girl thinks, "i should turn down the date unless i think he might be The One". the end result is we begin seeing people for who they could be, rather than who they are.

guys, why not take a girl out to make her feel special, and show her a good time? don't worry about what she could be...just enjoy who she is. if she could be, and she's meant to be, then she will be without you having to worry about it. girls, same principle. an acorn grows into an oak tree without worrying about how...it just happens...that's how God made it.

i think the marriage pursuit is an active-passive deal. actively, you desire it, pray for it, and take steps you believe might lead to it (in faith). passively, you wait for it, knowing that in the big picture it's way more about God doing something in another person's heart than about anything you can control.