My Circumlocution

dream big

2007-10-28T13:00:00.000-06:00

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
- William Hazlitt

have you ever felt the rub of things not right? i do. every day. divorce, disease, accidents, road rage. it's just not right. deep down i know it.

think about the law. not the "don't speed" law--the biblical law. the law given by God to moses for God's people. if it's easier, think about the ten commandments.

does the law make you smile? does it bring joy into your life? or does it seem to rip joy out of you, facing the way you are up against a bunch of "should bees" and "ought toos"?

please don't misunderstand the law, or the purpose of the law. hazlitt's quote really resonated in my soul because to me it spoke as to the purpose of the law. the law wouldn't be any good for animals. because animals have no idea what ought to be. it works for humans--at least to an extent--because we humans have some clue of the way things should be. we know how people should act. and we know how they shouldn't. and we know, deep down, that the world we live in isn't the way the world should be. we are, as john mayer says, "waiting on the world to change."

when God gave us the law, he gave us a glimpse of the way the world should be--a world without all the "bad" things. imagine a world where the word "murder" wasn't defined. or a world where marriages were marked with total purity. imagine a world where there was no jealousy, and everyone--everyone--loved God.

sometimes i find myself feeling guilty, and i blame it on the law. i think, "if those stupid commands weren't around, i wouldn't have to feel guilty." that's just wrong thinking. i was guilty before God gave me the law. i fell short long before the law. the law just gave me a measuring stick to see how far i fall short. so nothing really changed condition-wise.

now you may be asking, "what benefit is it to me if i know how guilty i am? ignorance is bliss!" well, not in this case. because understanding how guilty i am is the first step to making the world what it should be...by making my life what it should be. because my guilt makes me vividly aware of my need for God...and more specifically, my need for the work of Christ on the cross--making up for my deficits. and it is only after i understand my need that i can come to Christ. (what good is God's forgiveness for the person who doesn't think they need it? forgiveness in that case doesn't change the life.)

here's a word-picture: which would make me more grateful: if someone paid for my $7 lunch tomorrow, or if someone paid off my $40,000 student loans? you get it now. so the larger the debt, the more forgiveness means to the forgiven.

but we haven't even touched on the best part of the law yet. yes, the law shows me the way the world--and my life--should be--and thus leads me to Christ. but even better, it shows me the way the world--and my life--will be. it's a glimpse of heaven. it's a glimpse of God's Kingdom.

so if the law rubs you the wrong way, just remember, it's not an indictment of the law, it's an indictment of the condition of your heart. embrace that feeling, follow it to the cross, to Christ, and then dream big. dream of heaven.

pick your own

2007-10-15T10:07:00.001-06:00

apple picking. my wife and i went apple picking yesterday up in the north georgia mountains. they say you can pick through mid-november, but it was apparent to us that all the easy-to-pick apples were already taken and all that was left was the ones way up in the trees dangling at the ends of fragile branches. they had bags of pre-picked apples we could buy, but if i wanted pre-picked apples i could have gone to kroger a mile from my house. so i climbed the trees. i felt like the guy on that show survivorman. the one who climbs trees and eats bugs to survive. i didn't eat any bugs, so maybe i was only half a survivorman, but still. i would climb and pick and then drop them down to katie and she'd bag them. we picked a peck.

today i'm eating the apples we harvested. these apples are sweeter than the ones from kroger, and not just in taste. we harvested them.

but as sweet as they are, i can only dream of how sweet they would be if we sowed them also. then we would truly be tasting the fruit of our labor.

some people sow, some harvest. that's the way it works. i wouldn't be enjoying this apple right now if someone hadn't come before me to do the hard work of sowing.

i know that some people who plant don't get to pick their own, and so we must be grateful, because we do, and not because we did anything to deserve it.

contradictory? i think not

2006-12-01T13:24:00.000-06:00

Usually, when people think of "predestination" they think "no free will". Actually, the Bible speaks of both. Consider Ephesians 1:11-12...
"11In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory."

And Matthew 11:27-28 (still predestination)...

27"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Now for free will, well, I'm sure you know some...

Both choice and election are described in the Bible, so the question is not "do we have a choice?", but rather, how can God choose us yet we still have a choice?

Think of my little 4-year-old nephew, Owen. One night Owen sits down for dinner and his mom places two plates of food in front of him. The first has a handful of peas on it. The second has a cupcake on it. Let's say she gives him the choice of which one to eat. Which one do you think he is going to choose? Probably the cupcake...in fact, that's probably a no-brainer. In fact, it's almost guaranteed that he will choose the cupcake every time if given the choice. Even though the peas are better for him from a health perspective. He will choose the less healthy cupcake because to him it is more enticing. But imagine if Owen was able to truly understand what would happen if he ate healthy food all the time. Imagine if he had the foresight to know what a diet of cupcakes would do to him in the long run... If his "eyes were opened", so to speak, then he'd be far more likely to choose the peas. Not to say the cupcake wouldn't still be tempting. And at times he might still go back to the cupcake, but his overall perception and dislike for the peas would change. He would begin to enjoy eating them because he would know how good they really are.

The same is true in our lives when we have the choice of Christ or self. When we are dead in our sin we look at the plates and self looks far more enticing than Christ. Each time we're given the choice we will choose self. 10 times out of 10. The reason is because we are sinful beings and our master is the sinful nature. When you're dead to sin the last thing you want to do is live for Christ.

Now, once God does an act of "regeneration" in our hearts and brings us spiritually back to life (something only God is able to do) we see the plates a little differently. Once God has brought our hearts back to life, Christ becomes irresistible. Only then are we willing to choose "the peas" (Christ).

So you see, free will and predestination can both be realities when it comes to our salvation. The predestination part is God making a dead heart alive. The free will is there throughout.

The common reaction to predestination is "God is so unfair if He chooses one over another!" Paul confronts this exact thought in Romans 9. The whole chapter is pertinent but I will only take an excerpt...

10Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac. 11Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: 12not by works but by him who calls—she was told, "The older will serve the younger."13Just as it is written: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

14What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! 15For he says to Moses,
"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." 16It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. 17For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." 18Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

19One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" 20But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " 21Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

22What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? 23What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory—

Here Paul is explaining why God is not unjust for choosing one person over the other. His main point is that since God is the creator He can do whatever He wants to do. He is the potter. If he wanted to break the pot to pieces he would have every right to do so because it's His pot. He created it. Even so, however, God, out of his mercy--even though he has no obligation to do so--chose some that would be His children.

2006-09-06T14:58:00.000-06:00

i am not enough.

i am not smart enough. i am not fast enough. i am not brave enough. i am not happy enough. i am not emotional enough. i am not successful enough. i do not drive safe enough. i am not fit enough. i do not care about people enough. i do not remember important dates enough. i do not eat enough. i do not sleep enough. i do not pray enough. i do not work hard enough. i do not laugh enough. i do not cry enough. i am not emotional enough. i am not strong enough. i do not praise enough. i do not sit still enough. i do not play enough. i do not love people enough. i do not love god enough. i do not serve enough. i do not give enough. i do not call enough. i do not visit enough. i do not answer enough. i do not ask enough. i am not passionate enough. i am not approved of enough. i am not liked enough. i do not say thanks enough. i do not remember enough. i do not help enough. i do not satisfy enough. i do not tithe enough. i am not muscular enough. i do not read enough. i do not study enough. i do not think enough. i am not passionate enough. i am not courageous enough. i do not sacrifice enough. i do not please enough. i do not understand enough. i do not invest enough. i do not teach enough. i do not steward my resources wisely enough. i am not faithful enough. i do not appreciate my parents enough. i do not appreciate my friends enough. i do not appreciate my girlfriend enough. i certainly don't appreciate God enough. i am not pure enough. i am not humble enough. i am not eloquent enough. i am not cute enough. i do not dress well enough. i am not fair enough. i do not speak encouragement enough. i do not consider other people enough. i do not consider God enough.

by all accounts i am not enough. and despite my striving i never will be enough in any one of the aforementioned areas. one way or another i will fail others or fail God. why should i put faith in myself?

yeah, doesn't make sense to me either.

2006-06-21T14:26:00.000-06:00

sushi

the other day my friend randy and i were eating lunch in a sushi restaurant we enjoy. the tables were close together and sitting next to us was a lady, mid 40s with shoulder-length blonde hair. across the room was a table of highschool girls. though by room placement seemingly unrelated, i came to find out one of the girls was the daughter of the blonde lady. the daughter walked over to her mom.

"mom, i can't find a pair of my abercrombie jean shorts. have you seen them?"
mom asks for a description.
"they are jean cutoffs."
"oh those. yeah, i've seen them. i threw them away when i was doing laundry."
"MOM, those were $50 abercrombie shorts!" (growing louder than was polite in a sushi restaurant)
"and they were way too short for you to be wearing around."
"MOM, how could you do that??!" (in loud, ultra-whiny tone)
"you shouldn't be wearing shorts like that."
"MOM, you owe me $50 for those shorts!"
...
daughter continued to yell at mother for throwing away her shorts, then stomped out of the restaurant with her onlooking friends.

i was a little irritated by the commotion, especially considering the topic. and i questioned what could be at the heart of such a conflict.

about five minutes later, a man walks in to the restaurant and sits with the mom. the mom says, "your daughter was here a few minutes ago. and she yelled at me for throwing her shorts away..." the conversation was short.

the man's phone rang. rather than mute it, he picked it up, and proceeded to talk for several minutes while the mother ate by her lonesome. he eventually hung up. a few words later the mother's phone rang. she picked it up and began conversing while the man ate alone. this continued for about 45 minutes. i'd guess that over the course of their meal, the couple talked for less than 5 minutes total.

all of a sudden, the first scene between mother and daughter made way more sense.

debrief:
i base the following points on my snapshot view. this is just what i think, but may or may not be entirely accurate. just think about it...
1.there was a lack of love/respect between mother and father.
2.father was too busy for mom indicating he is probably too busy for daughter too.
3.lack of love from father causes girl to seek other means of validation.
4.girl resorts to wearing indecent shorts to attract attention from boys, hence validating who she is.
5.mom is too uninvolved in daughter's life to have conversation about shorts.
6.daughter feels disrespected by mother because rather than talk about the issue (this requires a conversation, mind you), mother threw shorts away.

2006-03-23T13:03:00.002-06:00

interstate 85

this morning a blue acura TL merged onto I-85. there was a blonde girl at the wheel. as she merged onto the interstate she entered the far right lane. it was a decent lane. smooth pavement. wouldn't disappear for a few miles. her speedometer read somewhere around 65 miles per hour. 65, however, wasn't quite fast enough. there was a car in front of her. she began changing lanes to the left. about that time i saw blue in my peripheral vision. by the time i turned my head her mirror was about two inches from my door. i quickly turned my wheel, entering the lane to my left. she noticed at the same moment, and curved back into her lane. i had a hunch she knew what almost happened. mainly because the rest of my drive, she stayed about three car lengths behind me.

was i angry? not really, i make stupid mistakes while driving too. i was disturbed. primarily because my gut-instinct reaction was wrong. to prevent her from hitting my car i swerved out of the way. the thought of 'what if' entered my mind.

what if there had been a car in my left lane?

she changed lanes slowly. slow enough that i could react. i changed lanes fast. too fast for someone to avoid me. ironically enough, my reaction was potentially worse than the error causing me to react. and we were both guilty of the same fault: changing lanes without looking.

sometimes i find myself in a situation with no good options. i can choose A or B, but neither one offers me the ease i desire. legally, i should have just let her hit me. i could have honked my horn (for some reason, i never do. it just doesn't occur to me that's what a horn is for), but i shouldn't have changed the direction of my car in any way. if she had hit me, it would have been her fault, and hopefully i wouldn't go spinning out of control. that option stinks for obvious reasons. no one wants to get sideswiped going 65 down the interstate. the other option was what i chose, but it had potential to cause more damage to my car than letting the acura hit me, and it would have been my fault.

these situations crop up every now and then, and i was reminded this morning that ultimately, when it's all said and done, even when we make bad decisions, God is still capable of working them together for good.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
romans 8:28

2006-03-01T09:38:00.000-06:00

christ is my spotter

last night i was at the gym lifting weights. it was about 9 pm--the time when only serious lifters remain--and i'm doing the bench press with individual dumbbells. i had already done two sets, so i was pretty tired, but my third and hardest set still remained. i laid back on the bench with the bells on my chest, then lifting them up, i proceeded to bench...1...2...

rep 3 proved too heavy. i lifted maybe 20% of the way up and then hit the glass ceiling. the bells wouldn't go any higher, no matter how much more blood flowed to the already over-capacitated veins in my head. i was at my limit.

then the amazing happened.

a man i had seen earlier doing a similar exercise--but with much heavier weights--grabs my arms and yells "PUSH IT!" adrenaline pumped. i had a new confidence. with his help, up they went...3...4...5...6. he didn't make it easy, mind you. i needed it to be hard. but he added the strength i needed to finish, and finish well.

as the bells finally hit the ground, i looked up and said a simple "thanks". he doesn't know this, but christ made an unexpected visit to the gym last night.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 corinthians 12:9

in the gym, when you know you're going to be lifting to the point of exhaustion, you grab a partner and you say "spot me". the spotter's job is to make sure you don't kill yourself, and if he's good, he'll push you more--adding strength you don't have. sometimes i see guys lifting without spotters--like i did last night--and i think about how pride keeps us from asking for a spotter. we don't want to admit we need the help. we can do it...wait...no, we can't.

it's the point in our lives when we are pushing as hard as we can, but we've hit the point of complete muscle failure...the glass ceiling. jesus loves it when we hit this point because it's our first realization of our dependence on Him. he is glorified (acknowledged for who He is) when we "can't". beautiful.

spot me, Jesus.

2006-02-23T17:31:00.000-06:00

benefit of the doubt

i desire to be understood. i think it's one of my strengths. it drives me to write and speak as clearly as i can. it causes me to think a lot about what i do, say, and think. intentionality.

"i like you." (for example)

it's also one of my biggest weaknesses. when i'm not understood it frustrates me. to the point that i will attempt to explain until there are no words left to use. then i'll try rearranging words. put them in a different order. maybe that will help.

"you like i" no that doesn't help. rarely does it.

i can hardly sit still when someone misunderstands me. my mom says i should give people the benefit of the doubt. i take that to mean i should assume they are smart enough to get what i mean. they'll figure it out.

when i really think about it, it's a faith issue. can God really work it out even if i'm not understood? will the world really keep spinning? yeah, it will robby. believe it or not. jesus was misunderstood. big time. lots of times. but then again, i think that frustrated him too...but of course, if you misunderstand jesus, your world might actually stop spinning...

2006-02-23T08:18:00.000-06:00

weight gainer

in an effort to bulk up my body a bit, i've started drinking a weight gainer shake after i work out. if i have a full serving, the shake provides 1850 calories full of vitamins, minerals, carbs, and of course, PROTEIN. it's kind of like drinking chocolate concrete mix. mmm mmm good.

my muscular roommate made the comment, "people think they can get big just by lifting weights, but if you're not putting the right foods in your body, hard weight lifting will only tear your body apart." (right now my roommates are all arguing over whose the "muscular" one...) i've been told if i eat and work out correctly, i can put ten pounds of muscle on my body in twelve weeks!

there's a phrase i've just recently been introduced to..."weightier christian". i want to be a weightier christian. unmoveable. deep roots. solid foundation. my physical regiment tells me that if i'm to become a weightier christian it'll take a combination of filling my body with the right food (truth, scripture), and hard core exercising (applying the knowledge i've stored up).

and just as it is with physical strength building, i won't see a difference on a daily basis. when i look in the mirror with my shirt off each morning (come on, you know you do it too), my pecs don't really look that much bigger...but i bet if i didn't take my shirt off for three months, i would notice a measurable difference when i finally did (and i bet i'd stink a little too!).

"Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?" 1 corinthians 3:1-3

2006-02-22T09:19:00.000-06:00

prison

the office building i work in blocks all internet traffic to email websites. this means gmail, yahoo, and hotmail are all blocked. luckily for me, however, there's the slightest wireless signal coming in through the walls, probably from an apartment complex next door. seriously, on days when i am insanely bored at work, gmail is the only thing that keeps me sane. imagine, if you will, being in a prison cell with only one tiny window. every now and then you press your mouth up to the window to get a single breath of fresh air. just enough to allow you to continue a little while longer.

yesterday the wireless disappeared. all hope left me. fear of insanity crept over. it was like someone bricking in the single tiny window that allowed me to breathe. oh, the agony!

then i rebooted, and it worked again. i said a prayer in thanksgiving.

2006-02-13T13:47:00.000-06:00

glorify? huh?

i've often been confused about the word "glorify". to say, "they glorified God." what does that mean? what does it mean to glorify God? can we humans really give God more glory than He already has? can we actually take some glory away from God? that would give us an awful lot of power, don't you think? does God need us to glorify Him at all? to me, the word "glorify" carries with it the connotation that we are adding a quantifiable substance (here, glory) to a pool of glory that God is in possession of. so that, when we praise Him, we put more glory in that pool, and when we are sinful we take some glory out of that pool.

after checking out the greek, i think this might just be where english has failed me. perhaps a better word to use is "acknowledge". i looked up the word glorify in the greek...it's "doxazo" (Strong's 1392) . one of the meanings is "to cause the dignity and worth of some person or thing to become manifest and acknowledged." i replaced it with "acknowledge" (or one of it's derivatives...acknowledged, etc) in each verse where the word "doxazo" is used. the verses made more sense to me than they ever had before. here's an example:

John 8:54 Jesus answered, If I honour myself, my honour is nothing: it is my Father that honoureth me; of whom ye say , that he is your God: (KJV)

in this case, the word honour is actually the same word in the greek, "doxazo". now replace it with the word "acknowledge":

John 8:54 Jesus answered, If I acknowledge myself, my acknowledgement is nothing: it is my Father that acknowledges me; of whom ye say, that he is your God: (Robby's translation, I guess)

to me, it makes way more sense!

based on these thoughts, my point is this: i don't think we can add to or take away any glory from God's pool...regardless of what we do, think, say, or believe. i think when we "glorify God", as it says in our english translations, we are actually acknowledging the glory God already has. "WOW God! you have more glory in that pool than i can possibly comprehend!"

think about it and consider how this line of thinking might affect things.

2006-02-10T13:57:00.000-06:00

whack dating

the christian dating culture is askew. let me tell you why. this is the story i hear from both sides over
and over
and over
again.

guys don't ask girls out. (i'll get to the "reason" in a moment.) girls complain that guys don't ask them out, and rightfully so, because guys don't. a guy decides, despite the "reason" (still to-be-defined), that he will ask a girl out because she intrigues him...mind you, not necessarily because he is interested in her on a romantic level. guy asks girl out. since guys don't ask girls out in general, girl figures guy must really like her. this scares girl. too much, too fast in her mind. girl assumes guy has major intentions and the "reason" happens. drama. girl either...

a) turns guy down immediately
b) goes on date but doesn't have very good time because she's too concerned about guy's intentions

either option further facilitates original statement: guys don't ask girls out.
an exception to this (perhaps THE exception to this) is if the girl likes the guy before he asks her out. in which case, neither "a" or "b" take place, but rather an unusual "c", whereby the girl goes on the date excitedly.

so, the question might be asked, "what caused this culture, robby?" and i would then give my theory..."the ever-so-popular gospel that one shouldn't date unless they are pursuing marriage."

now, before you Christian-non-daters freak out at me, let me unpack that statement. the point of that gospel is to prevent someone from wasting his (or her) time and, more importantly, making an idol of girl after girl after girl and getting their heart broken time and time and time again. but, as we people tend to do, we've taken what is a good principle and taken it to the extreme. now, the guy thinks, "i shouldn't ask a girl out unless i'm sure she's The One" and the girl thinks, "i should turn down the date unless i think he might be The One". the end result is we begin seeing people for who they could be, rather than who they are.

guys, why not take a girl out to make her feel special, and show her a good time? don't worry about what she could be...just enjoy who she is. if she could be, and she's meant to be, then she will be without you having to worry about it. girls, same principle. an acorn grows into an oak tree without worrying about how...it just happens...that's how God made it.

i think the marriage pursuit is an active-passive deal. actively, you desire it, pray for it, and take steps you believe might lead to it (in faith). passively, you wait for it, knowing that in the big picture it's way more about God doing something in another person's heart than about anything you can control.

2006-02-03T15:57:00.000-06:00

objective: to enjoy what i do.

the store my roommate works at was closing and so, being the diligent man he is, he updated his resume and began passing them out to various potential employers. as any well-organized resume does, his resume gave his personal objective at the top: "to enjoy what i do". how profound, and obvious, yet so few people actually do it.

he told me, "if they can't offer me that, i'm not interested." stick it to the man, roomie!

2006-02-02T16:46:00.000-06:00

men at work

half the elevators in the building where i work are under construction. this means when i click the down button, half the time the doors open the elevator is already full and there's no room for me. at lunch today i managed to squeeze on. the guy next to me says, "worst commute in atlanta...georgia 400 to marta to these elevators...i can't get to my desk! every one of them is under construction." i thought i had it bad.

2006-01-24T23:57:00.000-06:00

poopy

my trip to seattle started out poopy. literally. i had a serious case of the "hershey squirts". i woke up at 6:30 sunday morning, my stomach rolling over and over. i was to catch a flight at 6:45 that evening to seattle. a five-hour flight. ugh.

i debated cancelling and spending the week at home, but eventually decided to just drug up with immodium, advil, and pepto bismol. problem solved. i was clogged for about two days after that.

so tomorrow is day 3 of my seattle adventure. i'm here for training. i'm learning a lot about the culture of my company, about how to resolve conflict, about teamwork, and tonight i learned about cooking. i spent 3 hours at a cooking school creating dishes such as sweet beignets, gnocchi, and beef and mushroom papillotes.

yesterday i drank a caramel macchiato from the world's first starbucks, stood underneath the space needle, and saw mount rainier from a far distance. not to mention i saw jacob moody, a friend from college i hadn't seen in almost 3 years.

i'm spent. so i'm going to hop in my king-size bed with the oh-so-plush pillows and bid adieu.

2006-01-14T16:54:00.000-06:00

here i list a few quotes that have motivated, inspired, and encouraged me over the past couple weeks...

"'Almost' carries no weight, especially in matters of the heart." -charles dickens

"Small hinges swing big doors." -anonymous

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." -ralph waldo emerson
a comment on this last one. it's my favorite quote of all time (that i've read). i read this quote in my 11th grade english class as it was placed under the chapter heading of my textbook. it hit me like a bolt of lightning. for the first time in my life i realized every new moment holds the same potential as the last. whether that potential is realized is largely determined by how i choose to spend my time. live intentionally.

2006-01-10T09:37:00.000-06:00

spiritual streaking

throughout my christian life, i've always been told, "don't be a spiritual streaker." by this my instructor meant, don't divulge my most intimate struggles, desires, etc to anyone and everyone who will listen.

i think i've done pretty well so far. but lately i've had some experiences with people that make me question that seemingly wise ultimatum.

every time i go downtown for homeless ministry i meet guys who tell me about huge struggles they're having. not necessarily because i ask them, just because they are broken guys. they tell me about issues that, were i struggling with them, i don't think i'd have the guts to tell anyone.

these are the types of people i believe will fill the kingdom. the ones who know they struggle, and are so broken, they'll be honest with anyone and everyone. conventional wisdom aside, they don't own a mask. they don't own much of anything. but they know they need help, they just don't know where to get it.

one thing i know for sure...they are authentic people.

ok, so there's two extremes here:

hiding everything, not being authentic with anyone. vs. telling everyone everything about you. it's an intricate balance. hiding everything destroys community, and prevents you from experiencing the grace God has for you. but if the community isn't ready to handle it, streaking can send you packing. what's more, there's another dimension involving what's permissible to share with the opposite sex! finding the right middle ground is key, and i think it requires living intentionally.

all things considered, it's no wonder i sometimes find myself tipping the balance.

2006-01-10T09:09:00.000-06:00

favorites

i've been a lot of places. costa rica, australia, south africa, taiwan, turkey, italy, greece, switzerland, france, cuba, alaska...not to mention lots of other places in the U.S. but my favorite place on the entire globe is the outer banks of north carolina. specifically ocracoke island.

it is quaint, secluded, natural, and pristine. i'd have a hard time choosing beach over mountains most of the time, unless you throw ocracoke in the mix. see, i love hiking, camping, campfires, smores, stars...and while ocracoke doesn't have much in the way of hiking, it does have the other outdoorsy things. You can camp in the dunes, have campfires on the beach, and gaze at the milky way all at the same time. then, in the morning, climb out of your sleeping bag and head down to the ocracoke coffee shop for some lox and bagels, with a side of yogurt, fresh berries, and granola.

yeah, you know what i'm talking about. ;)

here's my friend julia getting her fill at ocracoke.

2006-01-04T15:51:00.000-06:00

an observation

why is it, when we see others going through pain, we can say wholeheartedly "I am praying for you..." which is in itself a statement expressing some amount of faith in the sovereignty and love of God, yet when we experience pain ourselves, lean to doubt God all around? some people even go so far as to say, "there is no God." (when, in reality, they are just angry at Him and don't know how to express it)

i haven't experienced a wealth of suffering to bring forth wisdom from, but from an outside-looking-in perspective, an observation...

the temptation in pain is to become selfish. gasp.

what i mean is, for some reason, my faith isn't shaken until it's the ground under me that appears to be giving way. as long as it's the ground under you, i can praise God all day long. yeah, that's called selfishness.

this reality makes the story of job that much more remarkable. figure this one out...after job's cattle are slaughtered, his servants murdered, and his children killed in a horrific natural disaster, he is able to make what i believe is the most astounding statement of faith in the Good Book.

"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;" (job 13:15)

i sit astounded.

2006-01-02T14:40:00.000-06:00

gossip-squashers unite!

i used to worry what people thought about me. i mean, i still do sometimes, but not nearly as much as i used to. i remember riding beside my mom in the car. i was about 10. i was telling her about some situation i was in and how worried i was about what some other person thought about me (in hindsight, it was probably a girl, but i don't really remember). her response was simply this, "robby, we wouldn't worry about what people thought about us if we knew how little they did." my mom was always good at keeping me grounded. she's taught me that life is usually a matter of perspective. change your perspective, and everything that seemed such a big deal usually disappears in minuteness.

gossip has hurt a friend of mine. fortunately, i was not the cause of the pain, i was simply an ear to listen. here's the situation...and don't worry, i'm going to stay as general as i need to, so that i'm not gossiping...

person "A" told person "B" that he (person "A") probably would not do "something." person "B" interpreted this to mean "A" definitely would not do "something." two months later, person "A" did "something". cue gossip. "B" found out about it when person "C" and "D" were talking about it at the lunch table. then "B" called "A" a hypocrite in front of several other persons ("E", "F", and "G"...i'm "G"). it's okay if you need to draw a diagram.

person "A" divulged how hurt he was to me, and now i'm blogging about how bad gossip is. get it?

now, i'm of the opinion that i cannot control what people say about me. i've worried about it a lot in my past, but today i'm comforted by the fact that as bad as the gossip may get about me, i'm certainly a lot worse than that. call me a whore...i'd agree. isn't that the point of the gospel, that even though every inclination of my heart is evil all the time, Christ has redeemed me? yes, it is.

but, a lot of people do not have this perspective, and the reality of gossip is, it tears community apart limb from limb. the closer and tighter the community, the worse gossip hurts.

i think there's a serious misconception about the nature of gossip. i used to think gossip was equivalent to slander. that is, falsely putting people down. nope. gossip covers a lot more ground than that.

webster says gossip is....
"a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others", "rumor or report of an intimate nature", "a chatty talk"

in other words, unnecessary talk about others is gossip.

nip it. nip it good.

i encourage you to be proactive about stopping gossip when you hear it. me and some friends were playing the cardgame Nertz one night when two guys started bashing another guy who wasn't there. another person said, "guys, let's talk about something else. i don't like talking about ____ when he's not here to defend himself." the guy who started the talk squirmed in his seat. it was the awkwardness of knowing he was in the wrong and someone had just called him out, mixed with the pride of not wanting to admit it.

you don't have to be so frank about it. simply change the subject. it's easy to do. join the movement of gossip-squashers across the world.

2005-12-19T22:28:00.000-06:00

breathe regularly

my discipleship group is doing a triathlon together in may. we talked about it tonight around the dinner table. we're probably going to break up into 3 teams of 3 people. that means, on each team, one person will swim, one will bike, and one will run. i'm going to be a swimmer.

i've done a couple triathlons before and i love them. what a monumental challenge. from a physical standpoint, it works pretty much the entire body. your muscles are built up, stretched, broken down, and built up again until you peak on race day. mentally, you have to convince yourself that the training is worth the end result. training is tough, and takes some discipline, but the high of crossing the finish line with my hands up in the air and the crowd cheering is one of the best all-around emotions i've ever felt.

then there's the spiritual side of it. the apostle paul wrote a lot about that in his letters. that is, about athletes competing in races. i didn't really get the connection until i competed.

tonight around the dinner table i made the comment, "the hardest part about swimming is breathing." it sounded rather elementary, i admit, and i got some awkward glances at the time, but i was serious. you can swim a long way if you know when and how to breath.

stroke, stroke, breathe.....stroke, stroke, breathe.....stroke, stroke, breathe

that's bilateral swimming. you stroke with your right, stroke with your left, breathe on your right side as you stroke with your right again. then you stroke with your left, stroke with your right, and then breathe on your left side as you stroke with your left. repeat. get it?

later on, someone else connected the comment spiritually. he said, "what a great word-picture." the essence is this: we're in this pool (culture), trying to be Christ's tools; He's using us to redeem culture, and the hardest part about swimming in this pool is breathing--making sure we regularly and repeatedly come up for the fresh, clean, pure air of God's presence that allows us to keep swimming.

i loved the image. i know the agony of being underwater, pushing through the current as hard as i can, and skipping a crucial breath. it hurts. and what's worse, i have to slow down--maybe stop--as my lungs squeeze out their last. going vertical in the water, i gasp deeply for air. i also know the spiritual agony of pushing full speed, only to run out of breath and need a huge gasp.

not only does it hurt, it is highly inefficient and ineffective. it's an encouragement to me to maintain a rhythmic, regular time with God. so i share it with you.

2005-12-19T11:28:00.000-06:00

go for a walk

"at the Lord's command they encamped, and at the Lord's command they set out." (numbers 9:23)

the context of the above verse is this...the israelites are in the wilderness after God used moses to deliver them from egypt. God has told them how the tabernacle is to be handled and moses talks with God regularly in the tent of meeting. God places a cloud over the tabernacle. during the evening the cloud looked like fire. whenever the cloud lifted from the tabernacle, the israelites would set out, and whenever it settled, the israelites encamped.

after reading this i began thinking about how marvelous it must have been to be in such close communion with God. i mean, can you imagine being moses and audibly hearing God's voice? and then to see so clearly what God's will was. just watch the cloud. up it goes, let's start walking...down it settles, let's stay here a while.

how i yearn for that cloud sometimes...not just to clearly see God's direction, but to rest assured that He is intricately involved in every decision i make. i so desperately want to be intentional about making God-oriented decisions.

craziest thing about this though is that i AM in communion with God. thru Christ, God is closer than the nearest tent of meeting. i can feel Him in my mind and in my heart, moving around, cleaning up shop...believe me, there's a lot of cleaning to do!

my experience.

this may not be how God works with you, but let me tell you how i tend to know He works with me. it has everything to do with the verse, "since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

i will feel a slight prodding of my heart to do something (take a step). it may be something as small as a hunch, but i feel it and i know i feel it. it's the Spirit urging me to do it, and i can resist (stay here), or i can act (step). if i act, i become more sensitive to the next time i'm prodded to do something, but if i resist, i become slightly more calloused--largely because i stop trusting the "hunch". it will be a little harder to feel it next time.

like a dance. the first time two people dance together, there's a lot of toe stomping (at least with me), but after a lifetime of dances, i think they'd both be a lot more sensitive to the other's movements. the slightest nudge of the hand turns into an intricate and beautiful twirl across the wood floor.

i'm hoping that after a lifetime of keeping in step with the Spirit, i'll be a lot more sensitive to its movements.

2005-12-12T10:04:00.000-06:00

a divine balance

in elementary school there was a phase when the "your momma" jokes were the rage. i still remember some of them...

yo momma is so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.

and

yo momma is so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

i remember kids would bash other kids' moms and fights would break out. it didn't matter if it were in the lunchroom, the classroom, or the bathroom. i saw fights all over the place. one kid would get offended because another kid would bash his mom.

of course, as was usually the case, the kid telling the joke had never actually seen the mother of the other kid, so in truth he had no idea whether the mom was really that stupid or that fat, but still the offense was made, and the fight broke out.

i never understood why kids got so offended. it seems to me, if someone makes fun of my mom, the only reason i might get offended is if i give some credibility to what they are saying. another example, if someone called me fat, it'd be ridiculous for me to get offended because i am the exact opposite of fat. in fact, i can't gain weight. it's crazy. so i'd give no credibility to their comment...hence no offense. in fact, i'd probably laugh at them.

now put that in the light of seeking other people's approval, whether it be a girl you like, or a boss, or a bully at school. in his book, the life you've always wanted, john ortberg makes a brilliant statement (i think, at least). he says, in regards to other peoples' comments about us, "it is not another person's compliment or approval that makes us feel good; rather, it is our belief that there is validity to the compliment."

he tells the story of walking into a mental health center. "One woman there used to tell me regularly that she wanted to marry me because she could not stop thinking about my body. She was heavily medicated, had lived in the facility for twenty years, and would say the same thing to every other member of the staff. On her less lucid days she would say the same thing to plants and inanimate objects. It was an outrageous compliment...but it did nothing to enhance my sense of value as a person." He goes on to conclude, "We are not the passive victims of other people's opinions. Their opinions are powerless until we validate them. No one's approval will affect us unless we grant it credibility and status. The same holds true for disapproval."

in my opinion, this becomes utterly important in light of our identity in Christ. insults and compliments will mean nothing unless i give them weight. they will neither tear me down, nor boost my ego if i understand who Christ says i am.

and who does Christ say i am? well, i am valuable enough for Him to die for me, and sinful enough that every inclination of my heart is all evil all the time. when i hear an insult, i am anchored in the reality that my value to God is unmeasurable. when i hear a compliment, i am anchored in the reality that my corruption is to a level incomprehensible. so i should walk with confidence, not in my self, but in Christ, unphased by the opinions of others because He has given me this balance.

2005-12-11T23:07:00.000-06:00

a difficult dichotomy

in the book prince caspian, book 4 in the chronicles of narnia series, the four children are lost in the wilderness when the youngest, little lucy, sees aslan the lion (aslan, of course, is allegorical for Christ). only lucy is able to see him. he beckons her to follow him across a most-difficult terrain of cliffs and jagged edges, but she cannot persuade the others to take the route because it is so dangerous. she tries to convince the others that aslan called to them, but because she is so young, they won’t believe her. her older sister susan is the most critical of young lucy and says very mean things to her.

eventually, after attempting several other routes unsuccessfully, the children finally take the route across the cliffs and jagged edges. as they are walking aslan appears to them one by one. when susan sees that aslan really is there, she is ashamed for being so mean to little lu.

after following aslan out of the wilderness, the lion approaches susan. she appears to be crying. expecting him to chastise her in frustration and anger, and ashamed of her behavior, she can hardly speak. contrary to expectations, aslan says to her, “You have listened to fears child. Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?”

fear is a two-sided coin. on both sides it is a protection device, but one side works for my benefit and the other for my harm.

first, the benefit. i wear a seatbelt when i drive because i fear the consequences of getting in a crash and not wearing one. in this way, fear works for my good and protects me from unnecessary harm.

on the other side of the coin, and this is the side that troubles me, fear prevents me from living life to the full. this is the fear described in the passage above from prince caspian. it is the fear that speaks when i want to do something, perhaps even feel God leading me to do something, but i fear the potential consequences of acting.

my dreams, for example. i'll be the first to admit they run counter to the “american dream”. i don’t dream of having stuff. i don’t dream of having comfort. i dream of living in a poorer place, personally engaging people, and helping meet their needs, spiritually and physically. and when i don’t pursue this dream it’s because i fear the lack of security, luxury, and stuff that i don’t dream about. ironic.

it’s a thin line, and sometimes i find myself feeling fear, and i don’t know which side of the coin i’m dealing with. do i listen to the fear believing it's for my good, or do i act despite it, believing it's counter-protective?

romans 14:23 makes a bold statement. "everything that does not come from faith is sin." (my sin just increased exponentially.) how does this relate to fear?

just today i was dealing with a fear. i was really battling with it, and i found a choice between two actions in front of me. one i wanted to do, but feared the risk. the other i didn't want to do, but it was definitely safer. i didn't know which to choose. as i was pleading for God to give me a peace about doing one thing over the other, this statement kept coming into my mind..."everything that does not come from faith is sin." it took a little more struggle before the peace came. God didn't tell me which option to choose. He told me that whichever option i chose, i needed to act in absolute faith that God would use it.

freedom!

i could choose whichever option i wanted, so long as i did it walking in faith that God was in control. how liberating!

so, i did what i wanted to do, despite the risk. i still haven't seen the result, or if the potential consequences will come to pass, but i have a peace because i did it "in faith."

2005-12-06T07:35:00.000-06:00

employed with a purpose

tomorrow i'm starting my new job. i will be a software engineer for a******. among the other requirements of the job, i will have to travel about 80% of the time. yesterday i got my new laptop in the mail. they told me my life would be my laptop and my cell phone. mentally speaking, i know what to expect, but practically i have no idea.

when i started my previous job at c****************, i accepted the position because i needed an income. it met a need. i remember my first day. i sat down, looked around, and thought to myself, "i can do this for a couple months..." i ended up being there for 14 months.

i'm taking this job for a different reason. mind you, i still need an income, but if that was my only motivation i could have stayed at c************. i'm taking this job because in it i see potential to take huge strides towards effective mission work. what do i mean by that?

i mean, the job should help me towards my goal of full-time involvement in mission work. i do get paid more than i did, which means paying off school loans faster (huge barrier to doing missions full-time). also, i am going to be a "consultant". i'll be going into clients' offices, and finding/implementing solutions to their IT problems.

in terms of my life-plan, my vision right now has me connecting technology with missions. e-mail alone has revolutionized missions, allowing missionaries to communicate instantaneously. life magazine published a book, Life Millennium: The 100 Most Important Events and People of the Past 1000 Years, which lists Gutenberg's printing press as the number one biggest development. i believe the internet can be just as revolutionary, for the same reasons Gutenberg's invention was. the printing press helped spawn the reformation, by allowing the masses access to new ideas. used effectively, the internet can usher in a new gospel movement, allowing not only instantaneous communication with missionaries anywhere on the globe, but take the words of the bible to every nation.

for example, right now there are missionaries in very secluded areas, translating the bible into languages of people who have never had a chance to hear the gospel. if those missionaries have access to scores of linguistic experts here in the states via the internet, imagine how much faster the bible could be written!

i could go on, but let's just say i have some goals with this new job. i am comforted because i know people are praying for me in this new position, and as you're reading this, i petition you to say a prayer too. am i nervous? somewhat, but not much. mostly i am eager to see what happens.

2005-12-02T16:26:00.000-06:00

the potential blessing of boredom

a couple weeks ago a group of people went into downtown atlanta on a friday night to bring some burgers and water to the homeless. i had the privelege of going with them. among the many people we met that night was a man...i'll call him steve. we met him late in the night (or early in the morning, really). i sat there with him, and within five minutes of meeting me he was telling me how frustrated he was to be on the streets. "it's because i do drugs." he told me. apparently he had broken up with his girlfriend three months prior, and after moving out he had nowhere to go. so there we found him, huddled in the fetal position, trying to get some sleep on a cold 40 degree night.

"to be honest with you, robby, people do drugs for different reasons. i don't do them for the same reason most people do. i'm just bored. i'll go into my hotel room, turn on the tv, try to find something to do, but it's all just so boring. life is boring. so i end up doing drugs." he explained.

i have never heard so clear an example of what clive staples lewis* wrote about in mere christianity: "if i find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

i'm thankful steve is bored. his boredom could easily be the tool God uses to bring him to Christ. ironically, steve's way closer to getting the point of life than a lot of people i know. he is bored because he doesn't yet know that Jesus has a purpose for him. once he realizes that God indeed has a reason for his existence, boredom will be far less likely. but remember, alleviating boredom is not the point--coming to freedom in Christ is.

* (c.s. lewis) thanks for the gentle comments, brent. ;)

2005-12-02T08:16:00.000-06:00

shout out

my friend roy posted a blog yesterday that is more than worthy to note. check out "Take care" she said.

2005-12-01T23:04:00.000-06:00

you should start a blog

robby: "megan, you should start a blog."

megan: "i was never good at journaling, so i don't think i'd be a good blogger."

robby: "i hate journaling...nobody will ever read what you write."

megan: "that's why people journal."

robby: "i don't get it."

2005-12-01T13:19:00.000-06:00

less is more

i'm thinking about what this means for life...will add more about this soon.

2005-12-01T07:47:00.000-06:00

war

as i was hiking along the coastal cliffs of italy i had to continually pinch myself. "is this for real?!" every now and then i couldn't contain my wonder, so i'd scream, "YEAH ITALY!" at the top of my lungs. trudging through the snow of the alps was ridiculously dream-like as well. the snow was about 5 inches deep, and still falling. of course, we didn't bring snow shoes, so we double-layered socks and stuck our feet in plastic bags. then we put our shoes on. the poor man's gore-tex. talk about toasty! my feet didn't get cold once.

there was something better though.

after hiking in the alps, roy, tom (a friend we met at the hostel), and i were walking back to the hostel in interlaken switzerland. all of a sudden this white streak flew by my face. it was a walk-bye snowballing!

but where'd it come from?!

we got low, not knowing from whence the next ball would come. then we saw them...two young swiss boys gathering their next rounds off the ground in the yard across the street. we had to act fast. these boys grew up in the snow. they knew how to make some darn good artillery.

we spread out. it was three against two, so we had an advantage. or so we thought.

as it turns out, roy is from houston texas, so he's about as useful in a showball fight as a bikini in a blizzard.*

whisss whisssss, the snowballs went flying by. i hopped a fence into another yard, seeking some protection. to minimize the collateral damage (cars were driving down the street through the crossfire) we eventually managed to lure them into our territory (our side of the street).

there was a big conifer tree in the yard they used as a bunker. i chased one boy around the tree a couple times until he leaped into its dense branches with a thud. i heard him moving around in there for some time. wisely, he didn't come out.

the other boy was more problematic. he was smart, and was able to inflict some battle wounds. fortunately, none were fatal, and we continued courageously. i have to give props to roy, despite his inexperience, he had a heart like rudy. no young swiss boy is going to keep him down.

the boy was hiding in the bushes in front of the house, tom went around the back to flank him as i swept in around the big conifer tree. the boy saw trouble looming over him and ran. we followed in pursuit. he sought shelter behind a wall--which would have been adequate protection had the wall not been only six feet tall and a semi-clear plexiglass material. i could see him huddling behind it and reaching over the wall, i laid a monster ball right on him. he was out for the count!

we were like the famous conquerors of the past...napoleon, alexander the great, ghengis khan. we gathered in the yard and basked in our accomplishment. it was splendid...like the hobbits after they defeated mordor in the lord of the rings.

then the old lady opened her front door and said, "you are on private property!" and several other things we couldn't understand in german.

so we quickly left. but going to sleep that night i think we all sank into our pillows with a deep sense of achievement. we had been attacked, and had overcome.

*editor's note: roy wasn't really that bad, and i wouldn't feel right dissing his snowball skills if he hadn't joked about it himself first...roy, i'm glad you had my back. oh yeah, and a 100% merino wool bikini might be adequate for a blizzard, but probably only as a base layer.

2005-12-01T07:03:00.000-06:00

miracle shirt

i made it! nine days straight wearing the same shirt. it was fantastic. every day i'd wake up and smell the 100% merino wool miracle shirt expecting to smell myself, and every day i was pleasantly surprised. to my amazement, the rest of my clothes held their own. i actually ended up wearing pretty much the same outfit the entire trip, i changed pants once because my jeans got wet walking through the snow in switzerland. and yes, i changed my unmentionables too...but probably not as often as is socially acceptable.

you can view my pictures here. but here's a taste...

2005-11-19T12:15:00.000-06:00

9 days. one shirt.

i'm packing for my trip to europe. it's a long and arduous process, for sure. it's the struggle of taking as little as possible while still taking everything i need. maybe it's just male ego, but i'm kind of challenging myself. i want to see if i can last 9 days with only one bag--my backpack. (note: i am taking my camera bag and a small shoulder bag for use around town, so i don't have to carry my backpack everywhere.) the way i see it, i'm preparing myself for the mission field. after all, as the saying goes, "the richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least."

my roommate works at an outdoors store, so he's aware of all the latest and greatest clothing technology on the market. he told me about this shirt that's 100% merino wool (aka really warm). rumor has it i should be able to wear it for 40 days straight without washing it. i'm not going to wear it 40 days--only 9--but still, 9 days is a record for me.

for those of you who are absolutely repulsed by the thought of wearing the same shirt for 9 days, don't leave a comment. however, if you think the ability to wear the same shirt for 9 days is really cool, comment freely.

here's to the nine-day-challenge! cheers!

2005-11-17T10:50:00.000-06:00

opportunity

i'm going to europe on sunday. "why?", you ask? my friend roy is there right now, traveling around, meeting reps for work. no one should have to spend thanksgiving alone, so i'm going to give him company. "but robby, europe is so far away!" yeah i know, but when a friend is in need, no distance is too far. "wow, you are such a great guy!" not really, i think it's what anyone with a good heart would do.

(actually, the real reason i'm going is to make sure he's not living in sin, but shhhhh, keep that on the D-L)

ok ok, so i'm neither that nice, nor that righteous. i'm really going cause i can't think of a good reason not to. roy is there, so i'll have a buddy, i've never seen the places we're going, and i'm between jobs. sounds like opportunity to me. here's our tentative itinerary....

mon nov 21 - arrive in rome, explore rome
eve nov 21 - sleep in rome
tue nov 22 - depart rome early, head to cinque terre (italy), explore cinque terre
eve nov 22 - sleep in cinque terre
wed nov 23 - explore cinque terre
eve nov 23 - sleep in cinque terre*
thu nov 24 - explore cinque terre*
eve nov 24 - depart cinque terre, night train to interlaken (switzerland)
fri nov 25 - balmer's in interlaken
eve nov 25 - take night train to geneva (switzerland)
sat nov 26 - train to Swiss L'Abri, Château de Chillon (on lake geneva), then back to geneva
eve nov 26 - sleep in geneva
sun nov 27 - explore geneva (john calvin sites?)
eve nov 27 - night train to paris
mon nov 28 - explore paris, dorsay, louvre (only to see mona lisa)
eve nov 28 - sleep in paris
tue nov 29 - eiffel tower, head home

*subject to change**

**really, everything on this itinerary is subject to change, but the items marked with * are really subject to change

2005-11-16T10:39:00.000-06:00

jesus' jaw dropped

"Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled..." (matt 8:10)

marvel - to become filled with surprise, wonder, or amazed curiosity (webster)

i can't imagine how much faith it must take to make Jesus marvel. but the centurion had enough. after the centurion asked jesus to heal his servant, jesus agreed, and began towards his house. but the centurion stopped him and said there was no need to travel all the way to the house. jesus need only speak the word and his servant would be healed. jesus' jaw dropped...

my boss is a man of authority. he has authority because his boss gives him authority. his boss has authority because the CEO gives him authority. the CEO has authority because the board gives him authority, and so on... likewise, any authority i possess is because i have a boss over me who gives me authority. it's a system.

the centurion understood that jesus had the authority to heal because it was given to him by the Father. jesus hadn't found anyone who connected the dots like this guy did and he was in awe.

jesus said all authority in heaven and earth had been given to him. that means he has the abililty to do whatever he wants--in heaven and earth. right after he said that, he gave christians a mission. he said, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations..." you'd think if we really believed jesus had all the power in the universe we'd be excited and fearless. not the case. the adjectives that come to mind are apathetic, fearful, timid, and hesitant...lacking even the slightest hint of excitement when it comes to the mission.

i don't think we understand the power christ has vested in us.

2005-11-14T23:41:00.000-06:00

duck tales

like i said...i have nothing to do at work. to end the day, my co-workers and i debated about how huey, dewey, and luey were related to scrooge mcduck and donald duck. it was quite heated. i thought donald was their dad, and i figured scrooge and donald were brothers. there's no question huey, dewey, and luey called scrooge "uncle scrooge".

i was wrong.

we googled it and found a priceless site that answered all of our various questions. check out the duck tales family tree. it turns out, donald was huey, dewey, and leuy's uncle, as he's the brother of della duck, their mother. donald's mother was hortense mcduck, scrooge's sister. so scrooge is huey, dewey, and leuy's great uncle.

i don't know what's more sad, the fact that we would debate this at work, or the fact that somebody went through the trouble of compiling an actual family tree.

no, the family tree is definitely more sad.

2005-11-14T17:09:00.000-06:00

nothing to do

it's official. i have nothing to do at work. i have five days left and my boss told me today, "you have nothing to do." unbelievable. a lazy person's dream come true. maybe i can write in my blog more....

2005-11-14T13:56:00.000-06:00

the fall

belay on! the gathering took us camping and rock climbing this weekend. it was a cold night. let's just say i found out the limits of my sleeping bag. it was my first full night of sleeping without a tent. it started off warm as i laid about two feet from the fire, but about 4 am i felt the chill air seeping through my zipper and head hole. i'm glad i had my long-johns on. you know, the ones with the butt flap. ;)

rappelling was the scariest offering of the weekend. it didn't help when i was descending and barrett told me he got a great deal on the rope i was using. he said an old climbing company retired it, and gave it to him for half-off.

trust. in climbing there's a lot of things you have to trust. you have to trust the equipment you're using--that it will hold you. you have to trust your belayer...the person holding the other end of the rope as you ascend the wall. and in my case, i had to trust barrett, because he tied all of the ropes and fastened all the beaners for our climbs. barrett trusts the equipment a lot. that became apparent when i saw him standing on his hands doing yoga moves on the edge of the wall we were rappelling down. he was harnessed in, but still.

trust is earned. it took me about four climbs to really begin to trust. by that point i had intentionally fallen off the wall to check the equipment. i had seen my belayer catch me, so i knew he was able, and the equipment didn't fail...nor did the knots barrett tied. often times while climbing i would intentionally lean on my rope, just so i could feel the tension and know it was still holding me.

one more story.

i almost didn't rappel the first time. my stomach was turning, the wind was blowing, and i was pretty scared. i turned to walk away and barrett urged me back. he knew it was safe, i didn't. tying me into the harness, barrett told me how he guided a four-year-old boy rappelling down a wall one time. he said the boy wasn't scared at all, he just went. he didn't understand the danger.

the fall. it's ironic that we call it that. when adam and eve sinned. when i was rappelling i was scared because of "the fall." (in reality, it's not the fall that scares me, it's hitting the bottom...but i jest) i had a knowledge of the danger. i wonder if that's what God meant when He said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil." (gen 3:22) barrett wasn't scared because he knew despite the danger, the equipment would protect him. the four-year-old boy wasn't scared because he didn't know the danger. he had a "childlike faith".

i was scared out of my wits.

2005-11-11T15:55:00.000-06:00

good things

i love photography. i didn't take this picture, but i love it. it's very emotional. to me, it captures a joy and wonder in childhood. i don't want to lose that because i think it's so crucial to faith. the setting strikes me too. i love to sail. it's one of my favorite past times. you don't go anywhere fast when you sail. in fact, at times, you don't go anywhere at all. but that's not the point. if you want to know the point, let me take you sometime. you'll get it.

2005-11-10T12:28:00.000-06:00

jesus ran

busy-ness is a disease. in my opinion, it is probably the most effective tool the enemy uses against us christians. it seems, if he can't keep us from doing something, he'll get us to do everything so that we're too busy to be effective in anything. it really is quite disturbing.

i had a dinner appointment with a pastor recently. as soon as we sat down he told me he was going to have to leave in about thirty minutes to make it to a meeting at the church. i was thinking, "are you kidding?" he wasn't. thirty minutes passed, he asked for his bill and left. i had hardly touched my quesadilla explosion. (we were at chili's...i don't recommend this dish) so i sat there about another twenty or so minutes by myself.

i scoured the bible for the phrase "Jesus ran"...i didn't find it..."Jesus jogged"....nope...."Jesus walked briskly"....nada....

besides making me question Jesus' physical health regiment, it seems to me Jesus was never in a rush to go anywhere. in luke 8, jesus was on his way, when jairus ran up to him and pleaded for jesus to come to his house and heal his daughter. she was dying. it was jairus' only daughter, so you can imagine how desperate he must have been. on the way to the house the crowds were so thick, jesus was almost crushed. worse than driving down Georgia 400 at rush hour. jairus is starting to sweat. if only jesus could get there in time, his daughter would be healed. then jesus stops.

next is the whole scene with the bleeding woman. jesus heals her, but can you imagine what jairus must be thinking?! "come on, jesus, run! my daughter's dying! don't you understand what's at stake here?!" embrace his frustration.

cue the crisis.

it's too late. jairus' daughter dies. jesus took too long.

then jesus says something crazy. "Don't be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed." and she was.

i think busy-ness is a lack of faith. jesus didn't have to rush because he knew he was in control. we don't have to rush because we should know jesus is in control. ministry is way more about being present than it is anything else. jesus was always present. most of the people i know aren't. Lord, give us more faith.

2005-11-08T12:19:00.000-06:00

txt msg

i sent my first text message yesterday. i've come of age. it only took me 30 minutes to type in 8 words. largely because after typing in my first sentence--and throwing a party to celebrate--i asked my roommate how it sounded and he told me i should start over. (when it costs 10 cents to send a text message, you really want to make sure every word is intentional) punctuation is especially annoying.

number of words: 8
number of keyboard clicks: 257
number of times i wondered why people go through the trouble of text messaging: i lost count.

2005-11-04T19:30:00.000-06:00

the conversation

i just had "the conversation". i've been waiting anxiously the whole day, knowing it was looming. the infamous DTR talk. "define the relationship" for you uninformed. "it's not you, it's me." i've heard it so many times. i think it's intended to relieve the sting. but rarely does it--i mean, let's be serious. i've come to see right through that line.

now i'm using it. i just gave my notice. four week notice. i started with, "i hate to drop this bomb on you, but..." shortly followed up by, "it's not you, it's me..." to try to dull the pain. the conversation followed the typical DTR pattern...The Summation, "it's over." followed by The Response, "was it something I did??" Followed by The Explanation, "it's not you, it's me..."

i think he took it fairly well. my manager, that is. it was a civil dialogue. without much drama. i like that.

2005-11-04T12:29:00.000-06:00

drama

"drama" has been the name of the game these past couple days. i'm not a fan of drama, unless i'm watching a play or a good tv show. it makes things so complicated. i usually prefer simplicity. i was walking along by myself, trying to avoid drama, when i tripped on something and fell heart-first into a pool of it. it wasn't even my drama. it was someone else's pool. i just didn't look where i was stepping and quickly found myself submerged. clumsy me. oddly enough though, now that i'm almost dry, i think it was a good thing i fell in...at least briefly. i found out i can swim. i never would have known.

2005-11-04T11:25:00.000-06:00

expectations

my circumlocution?! i hope not! heaven forbid i bore whoever finds this. they say tv advertisers have about 2 seconds to capture a surfer's attention as he repetitively, perhaps compulsively, presses the channel button. a blogger probably has just a couple seconds more. that's a lot of pressure.